Hopeless

You're so far out of my league
Maybe that was the intrigue
And the reason why I reached back when you reached out
But it was careless of me to not fill the cracks in the grout
My walls are built so high, armed for an attack
Defenses were never things I’d lack
But you were quiet and quick
Snuck in through the brick
Or maybe I let you in
Where the walls were worn thin,
Built a door, and swung it open
Heard it crash as it fell, broken
Grabbed your wrists and yanked you inside
As if you needed a place to hide
But sirens went off inside my palace
Shining, screaming intents of malice
I got so scared, I pushed you out
Awoke later, drenched in doubt
Screamed for you through the cracks
Begged and pleaded for you to come back
Listened to my echo as I paced
Not a sound from you, not a trace
I’ve made a mistake

The past three years have been hell and then some
Shoving people out was my Rule of Thumb
Can’t get hurt if they can’t get close
In a blue moon, feelings arose
Nothing I couldn’t demolish
Not a feeling I couldn’t abolish
Caring gave way to heartbreak
And that is not a chance that I could take
But your eyes pulled me out to sea and your smile sunk the anchor
I’d fought with Hope for far too long, I wanted just to pander
But instead I loaded the cannons, fearful as I am
Aimed for my own ship’s walls, fired them off and BAM
But my ship stayed afloat as I watched yours go down
Out of my control, I watched your feelings drown
Fuck