The Evolution of HeartBreak

This blood is like rose petals
Scarlet flakes of my soul
It's persistent spill wastes
From this titanic hole.

You are the phantom that haunts me
Who resides in my memory
Because of you I'm haunted
And the truth is too hazy to see

I have no hidden touch from you
No kiss that I can keep
Because you broke my heart
And then you put my heart to sleep

Piercing blades come from the sky
They're falling down like rain
They're hitting me in my soul
They're filling me with pain

Until being numb is all I know
My heart was never fixed
In my chest it is broken
While the clockwork ticks

And I know how to feel things
Like anger, sadness and joy
But I'll never feel love again
Because I loved you, boy.

The way that your brown hair fell
A halo around your face
The way your brown eyes sparkled
Stars on the obsidian of space

I memorized your silhouette
You were too weak to know
That even though I was naive
Truth was always shown

So, I know I wasn't beguiling
Maybe I wasn't worth a chase
And even though you paid no toll
In my heart you rented space

It is an empty house for you
Abandoned but not forgotten
It may look inviting to them now
But inside it is rotten

I was too young to know, then
The particulars of the game
All I wanted was a place in you
I wanted you to know my name

Sadly, my worst fear now
Is not that you'll never talk to me
But though I know you never will
You don't even remember me

I fear you don't think of me
I fear I never cross your mind
Because you carved out all my seeds
And left me with my rind.

Contrary, I think of you every day
Daily and by the hour
So, even though I have grown
You still hold the power.

You harshly told me to grow up
And accused me of infatuation
But is that actually so terrible?
Is that really such a horrid situation?

How can you accuse me of not doing right
But never explain how I was wrong
How can you excuse a broken heart
When that heart hadn't known love long?

Tell me what I did to justify that?
I think I'm old enough to see
That loving you gave you no right
To force a hole through me

Understand, I am not accusing you
Of not loving me in return
I accuse you of sick torture
I have the scar from your burn

I mean, right? I said I loved you!?
Showed way too much heart?
Anyway, you are to blame
For tearing me apart.

There are better ways to deal with it
I think you know that's true
You don't just slay a heart
Because that heart loves you.

You were unnecessarily cruel
To kill me and be freed
You stabbed me with a thousand knives
I watched you leave me there to bleed

So, would you like to know about
The extent you did back then?
Though, many men have loved me
I have done the same to them.

I was such a fool to not realize
Until a decade had come and gone
That you destroyed my heart and mind
Though my heart had done no wrong.

And I never even blamed you
Because I felt it was my mistake
So all I want to know right now
Is blame a thing you take?

String still attached me to you
Although, I did not show it
So I know now that you love her
Even though I should not know it

And get ready for the kicker
I would never wish this pain on you
Because that's what love is, buddy
Even if you don't think it's true.

You will never read this, I know
Because you refuse to see
Why I agreed not to exist
Why I agreed you could forget me

I was really only a girl
And all I wanted you to say
Was that you thought I was cool
And that you were there to stay

You told me to get over it
Believe me, I have tried
But you damaged my ability to love
and I only hurt your pride

My fault, I forced an image on you
So I don't blame you for wanting her
She sees you for who you are
and not the perfection I thought you were

First loves rarely end well
They sew seeds of misery
But all I can think of is how unfair
That misery is all on me.

I loved you so unconditionally
Convinced you'd done me fair
Here is the truth- you did not.
Because you never cared

You had no care in the world
If you were the best man I'd known
But if you truly are the best
I'm better off alone

To say I have high standards
Is not entirely true
They are impossible to meet
Because I based them on my image of you.

I wish you'd been the least bit flattered
But, really, you refused to see
That you have lost a warrior
Because you have lost me.