Relapse

I'm coming back,
It's been oh so many years.
Welcome old friend,
Welcome old self.

It's been years of faking it,
Years of conforming.
It's been years of forgetting,
Years of learning.

I'm 21 now,
I own a house.
Two nice cars,
And one peppy puppy.

I'm right where I dreamed of being,
I'm still empty.
I've achieved what people achieve in their 30's
I want out.

I haven't written in a while,
It feels good just to type.
It feels good to release.
It feels good to relapse.

I'm hurting myself again,
It's a secret I harbor.
I'm not telling you anything,
I don't want to stop.

It's a form of control,
The one thing I lost long ago.
I'm doing this for myself,
It feels good to relapse.