Addiction
The first time I dragged that blade across my wrist, it felt like someone had opened a secret valve in my body and released all the pressure from my insides. It didn't take long for me to start turning that valve daily.
But this isn't about that. It's not about my drinking either. Even though the first drink I ever had left me face first in a toilet and wanting more.
This isn't about my first time having sex to torture myself. Nor is it about the first time I skipped a class. Or the first time I drank too much NyQuil on purpose. Or the first time I said I was fine.
This about the third, fourth, and the inevitable hundredth time.
My personality is driven by addiction, growing malignant new behaviors and blocking the life out of them. This is about the ravenous, chewing pain that takes over my body if I don't get my next fix.
But this isn't about that. It's not about my drinking either. Even though the first drink I ever had left me face first in a toilet and wanting more.
This isn't about my first time having sex to torture myself. Nor is it about the first time I skipped a class. Or the first time I drank too much NyQuil on purpose. Or the first time I said I was fine.
This about the third, fourth, and the inevitable hundredth time.
My personality is driven by addiction, growing malignant new behaviors and blocking the life out of them. This is about the ravenous, chewing pain that takes over my body if I don't get my next fix.