Feelings

Confused, not knowing what to do
Just frustrates me to no end
Meds not working, even upped by two
All that's left is my mental friend
No matter what I do
She seems to follow
Sometimes even two
They stay through tomorrow
Voices, too many to count
Why does this happen to me
My meds at a crazy amount
Still arent working for me
Sometimes i wonder what I'm even doing anymore
Why I'm still here
I've felt this way before
The end seems so near
I just dont understand why
Why does this have to happen to me
No matter how hard I try
Its like my destiny
The urge to cut just keeps getting stronger
To watch the blood poor down
The feelings seem to stay longer
Almost always, upon my face, a frown
I want to feel the blood pulse through my veins
It scares me, but I want it
It just drives me insane
An addiction I cant quit
I want to feel the warmth down my arms
the lovely red escape the cuts
why do i have the urge to harm
i want to have more cuts
more scares to explore
have i gone completely insane
I just dont know if I can take this anymore
I just am craving more pain
I want to cry, all the tears I can
Just let it out, but I cant
There's nothing that will help me, nothing can
All these years,were a waste of time spent
Everyone thinks I'm crazy
I just know it
This life, it isnt easy
I wonder if I can just quit
Take my life, and let it go
Not have to deal with it anymore
My feelings, they just wont show
I'm craving something so much more
I'm scared and lost
But than again, I'm pissed as fuck
I cant deal with it, no matter the cost
I love everyone, so much
Some dont see it, the ones I love the most
I can leave with just one touch
But theres something stopping me, some type of ghost
Or is it something else
Someone of great power, who has my heart
Someone I love more than anyone else
Who has cared for me, from the start
When I feel like this
I hope I dont scare him
I wish I wasnt like this
A life so dim
I dont want to bring him into my mistakes
But without him I dont know what I'd do
Loves once had, seem like fakes
He is who I love, a love so true
I dont want him to have to worry
I want him to be happy
For everything I may have done, I'm sorry
And this may sound really sappy
But, I've never loved anyone like this
The only feeling that helps me live
No matter what, I want to be his
And give him the best I can give