Unworthy

I cannot love you,
or anyone.
I cannot protect you,
or hold you.
I cannot befriend you,
for I’ll hurt you.
It is inevitable,
the pain my presence brings.
I’m no good,
I will never be worthy
of you,
or anyone.
I cannot be there for you,
cannot trust you.
I will betray you,
and I will eventually hate you.
I am foul.
I am a disgusting blemish
that wasn’t meant to be.
I am a coward,
and I cannot get away.
But I will not subject you
to the curse of my existence.
I cannot look at you
without dreaming of
something beautiful,
because you are everything.
You are good.
And you are kind.
You are everything that is right.
But I cannot love you.
I cannot hold you.
Or care for you.
Because I will destroy you
in one way or another if i do.
I am not worthy of you.
I am not worthy of life,
love,
or happiness.
So I exist.
And for this,
I am sorry.
All I can do is apologize,
because you deserve more
than anything I could ever be.
I am sorry
to have wondered into your life,
even for just this moment.