Bittersweet Ramblings of a Messed Up Mind - For My Favourite Person

If looking you in the eye meant making you cry,
I'd walk, for you, with my head forever down.

If a wave and a smile proved too hard of a trail,
I'd force upon my lips, for you, an ever-long frown.

If I didn't love you I'd stride past proud without that limp and fumble in my footing, stare you down with cold, calm orbs,
But sight that still births fresh tears could never see different in you.

Every waking moment brings reminder of who I hope is smiling;
The hours I fade to sleep bring temporary joys, as subconscious expectations have me in your arms again.

For someone who knew me better than I have done myself these past few years, your surprise that I still adore you stunned me.
But through tears of disbelief came relief, that feeling of grief stabbing at me with blades of reinforcement that yes; I do still care.

The way I hesitate when I see you; that's everything in me wondering what reaction, what interaction will hurt you the least.
When I let my lips curve up nervously, my hand meekly motioning all whilst I cower and hang my head to the devil, unsteady legs carrying me in the opposite direction.

That walking reminder, that lost identity and love and faltering piece of mind;
It ponders constantly on how you are, and if every day is bringing lasting joy, medicine for the heart, happiness with every minute that ticks by.

To my favourite person who I know still looks to me, going out of their way to make my heart thud with a ghost of a like...
I still send you the affection I did when we first met, when we first kissed, when our first year felt like it was going to make forever ours;

When two years never were, when brutal separation left a heart shattered in your hands, still pulsing with faithful wishes.
I still send you a wish every night, for hope and happiness, to prosper and paint this dull world with the colour of your burning passions, to stay safe and for Heath to benefit you.

I never plan to write these jumbled thoughts and feelings, often extreme and unchecked when I'm at my worst, my most fragile;
Such as I never plan to draw them, or let my salt water sorrows drive sleeplessness through damp pillows.

Through and through again, the end always brings drowsiness and a sense for longing; a headache and a tight throat, two stinging red eyes and a desire to be better.
But rarely do things happen overnight, nor will I expect them to again.

Although some nights bring bittersweet sobs of lolita's whispered song;
The thought that you will be happy
That you will be happy
That you deserve to be happy...
Working on what I can be too, and what I can feel and do and achieve knowing you'll be watching from the shadows with the support I hope to be reciprocating in my own way,

Feeling like a person, feeling worthwhile and like anything can happen regardless of what may be happening now... The idea that forever can still happen, friend or more, doesn't seem so hopeless of a dream to me...~
♠ ♠ ♠
I am very VERY tired right now, ready to pass the hell out cause it's like, 1am. But I had some tears and the urge to write what was on my mind so hopefully it makes sense to that one person, if not I'm sorry I can't see straight man. Happy valentines day, I love you...!