Special

All my life, I’ve wanted to be special
Wanted to be different, essential
For someone to need me
I craved this so desperately
Who would’ve thought it could hurt so bad
I never imagined it could make me this sad
I believed that being special would bring such joy
Until I was special to a very special boy

I was placed upon a pedestal; untouchable
By a boy who believes himself to be culpable
For all the pain that was endured
By those of which he was enamoured
Unable to stand the idea of causing me pain
He numbed his feelings for me; mere remnants remain
In an ironic twist, I’m afraid of heights
Sat aloft on this pedestal, just out of his sights

Because I am special, I am bereaved
His tone ordering me to feel relieved
Because he is “toxic,” and I am “pure”
As if he’s a disease for which there is no cure
And I’m a little daisy; fragile and weak
Unable to handle what I seek
As well as what we share; our connection
That too requires impermeable protection

I am so special to him that I am not worth the risk at all
I only wish I had known this much before I started to fall

Fuck
Special sucks