Breathe

Walk into class

Take a deep breath,

Let it out slowly,

Feel your heart beat frantically,

Feel the pulse in your throat,

Sit in your seat,

Don't speak,

Because speaking means judgement,

Their judging,

Everyone is judging.

You can feel their eyes on you,

Glued to you,

Reading your every move.

Keep breathing,

Just keep breathing.

Laughing,

Their not laughing at you,

Yet, you don't believe that,

You believe that they've found something out,

Or you just did something

Which is the cause of their laughter.

Calm down you tell yourself

Just calm down.

Focus on your breathing.

Don't fidget,

Don't make any sudden moves,

Your alright,

These people don't know you.

Just breathe.

Just keep breathing.

The teacher calls on you,

Your heart rate speeds up,

Your pulse is in your throat.

Your hands are shaking,

Just answer the question,

Stop thinking,

Don't think,

Just give an answer.

and once you do

You look around,

And feel as if every eye is on you.

Quick, stop looking,

They'll notice,

Notice your fear,

Busy yourself,

Act like your doing something,

Anything.

Focus on breathing,

Just breath,

Your alright,

Everything is alright.

You'll be fine,

Everything will be just fine,

But it's not.

This anxiety wraps around me,

Like a phantom,

And doesn't let go.

I try to be normal,

But I can't,

Every social encounter leads to panic,

To anxiety,

To me having a conversation in my head,

About things that aren't real.

This anxiety pushes people away.

It's a protector from the world.

A wall built that nobody has yet to conquer.

I hate it,

Yet, I know that there will never be a day I won't have it.

So I'll keep my head down,

And let these demons run circles in my head,

Over and over and over again.