Metamorphosize

Metamorphosize
Chrysalis
Ever since I was young, I always loved that word
The way it rolls off the tongue, the way the letters are heard
Just give me a second, I want to say it again

"Chrysssaaaaalllliiissssss..."

And I kissed you, just us two in my room
Watching some show about nature that ended too soon
Yeah, I was distracted, but I learned something new
That butterflies
Can ascend as high as a plane
Still, they migrate to my stomach whenever I hear your name
I don't know what this is, guess I have to call it just friends
Even though I still love you, I can't lie or pretend
That my days aren't punctuated by our time together, I don't want it to end
Can't tell how long I've waited
For the moment you allow me to kiss you again

Chrysalis,
I'm growing more amused by the minute
Maybe I'm mistaking that for confused, I admit it
Before, you were just a fun thing to say
But now, I see you more as an icon for change
Cause my smile relies on how I woke up today
Which side doesn't matter when my bed is empty
While I stare at the space you left vacant
You know there's still plenty of room
On my couch if you wanted to take it
I stay up all night, day dreaming that you occupate it
I still know what I want, I just dont know what to do
I see, I'm not what you need, and that's not something new
So I'll spend my time spinning some kind of cocoon
Oh chrysalis, don't let this be my doom

But nature, you bitch, you're fucking amazing
How capable a caterpillar is of just suddenly changing
Of growing wings that take them from the ground to the sky
And I've been inspired to live again, or to at least try
It's harder without you, but I'll be okay in the end
Whether things change, or we don't even stay friends
But know, I hate myself for these things I let happen
You'll never know how I regret letting myself get trapped in
My own private hell, making your thoughts conflicted
It's a pretty gross scar, the scab, how I've picked it
It's all over my torso, and I still do not see
How you can believe that I'm more than my shortcomings
Or maybe you cant, it keeps you an arms length from me
I was the one who annihilated that intimacy
But my soul can't forget that sublime melody
Whenever you let your energy intertwine and coalesce with mine
And it hurt so damn much, I thought you'd just disappear in no time
That you would just hate me, but I'm still right here
Still crave to be near you, even if I'm not making you moan
You don't have to change my name to some dumb shit in your phone
But I know it's on me, the fact that I'm all alone
Because I am who I am, and you are who you are
And it is what it is, but I promise I'm never far
So you decide when I'm better, maybe it will be never
Which is my fault again, but I know I'm not the same
As I'm growing around this heart throbbing pain
The very essence of life is the fact that things change
Chemical compounds and how they rearrange
The earth and the moon, the sun and the stars
This whole god damn universe of ours

And I don't care what you say
People change every day, landmasses are moving
The moon is falling away
In the grand scheme of things, sure
I don't even mean a thing, but I still exist, I'm no chrysalis
But if I'm ever missed, then just maybe I can move something within you
Maybe one more day is worth muddling through
Because even if my soul does grow, metamorphosize
Girl, I can't shake these god damn butterflies, I miss you so much
I miss the quiet moments, conversations, the warmth of the rush
When I'd see you in the mornings, the first kiss and touch of the days
That hurt like a limb lost to rot and decay
Just fucking come whatever may, I don't know what more to say
Simply keep on moving, be it closer or away
I'll do my best and just call it fate
Hoping good things come
To those who wait