The Girl I Am

I always wonder about the impact I've made.
Whose lives have I touched? To whom did I aid?
Always trying to figure out why I exist.
Grew up smart, but confused and pissed.

I feel like an outsider, but I choose to be alone.
Never count on anyone else. I can handle my own.
I'm soft, but I'm still hard to manage.
Yet I care so much so I'm at a disadvantage.

There's a few I let in, just to end up pushing away.
Not often enough, do I sit down and pray.
A good girl at heart, but a difficult friend.
Don't mean no harm, but hard to withstand.

Lucky enough to have just a few good people on my side
who know how to handle when my heart and head collide.
They always have my back when I get confused.
conflicting emotions from a past of being abused.

I'm no saint, but I'm far from a sinner.
Just a girl with a fire that burns from within her.
A soft little girl with a hard outer shell,
just trying to survive a life of hell.