Please (Don't) Go
Why is it that
I loved you
but I hated you?
Not in the cutesy
love/hate relationships
that most people have.
No, I *hated* you.
A cruel and burning hate
that flashed in my eyes
every time I looked at you.
I fell in love with you
knowing I would hate the things you do.
They were little things,
but a million little things
clustered up into big things.
You would blatantly lie to my face
even after I caught you in the act.
It would be better
if you had actually
cheated
Then I'd have more justification
to resent you so much.
And I let every little lie of
"I didn't smoke."
go
As you'd look at me
with your eyes red
and glossed over.
The lie of
"I haven't put dip in."
When I saw you put it in your pocket
before work
and I could taste it on your lips
when you came home.
Every. Single. Lie. Of
"I haven't said anything."
as I'd show you screenshots
I took off your phone
of all the mean things you'd say
to your
friends
family
even leasing agent
every time we fought.
And we fought.
All the time.
Rarely a day went by
when we would be ok.
It's sad, really.
Sad that I tried letting you go.
Stop begging. Don't
say
please.
I was your heaven
but you were my
hell.
You pissed me off.
You said stupid shit
all the time.
You didn't listen to me
or remember
the things I would tell you.
You talked on the phone
with your employees
in the middle of our
"dates".
All you ever thought about
or worried about
or talked about
was work.
I literally
can't
stand
you.
The cons outweighed
the little pros
we had.
Yet
you were my first
true love
and managed to be
everything I didn't like.
It's heartbreaking when you've found the one. The one person who you're meant to be with but it isn't meant to be. It's not just "when it's good, it's goood." When it's good, it's AMAZING. But when it's bad, it's worse. And you think, well that isn't what a relationship is. That's not love. But god dammit if you could have been there... there's no way to explain it. There's a lot more to a relationship, to a commitment, than just loving each other. When the fighting never ceases, and compromises can't be made-- it was not from a lack of trying. When there's just so many differences between us that even the saying "opposites attract" couldn't be more wrong. It's heartbreaking. Finding someone to love so strongly and so purely and having him love you back with the same intensity.... but the ends just don't quite meet. You both know you need to let go, but are too selfish. You're happily unhappy... or even unhappily happy. You don't want to see them with someone else, and not just because of jealousy. It makes you psychically ill. Makes your heart actually hurt. You're their sunshine and their rain. Their agony and their bliss. You meet someone so perfectly imperfect for you (or imperfectly perfect). Someone you literally cannot stand but can't stay away from. It's a vicious and sadistic joke. One that isn't funny and has no punchline.
I loved you
but I hated you?
Not in the cutesy
love/hate relationships
that most people have.
No, I *hated* you.
A cruel and burning hate
that flashed in my eyes
every time I looked at you.
I fell in love with you
knowing I would hate the things you do.
They were little things,
but a million little things
clustered up into big things.
You would blatantly lie to my face
even after I caught you in the act.
It would be better
if you had actually
cheated
Then I'd have more justification
to resent you so much.
And I let every little lie of
"I didn't smoke."
go
As you'd look at me
with your eyes red
and glossed over.
The lie of
"I haven't put dip in."
When I saw you put it in your pocket
before work
and I could taste it on your lips
when you came home.
Every. Single. Lie. Of
"I haven't said anything."
as I'd show you screenshots
I took off your phone
of all the mean things you'd say
to your
friends
family
even leasing agent
every time we fought.
And we fought.
All the time.
Rarely a day went by
when we would be ok.
It's sad, really.
Sad that I tried letting you go.
Stop begging. Don't
say
please.
I was your heaven
but you were my
hell.
You pissed me off.
You said stupid shit
all the time.
You didn't listen to me
or remember
the things I would tell you.
You talked on the phone
with your employees
in the middle of our
"dates".
All you ever thought about
or worried about
or talked about
was work.
I literally
can't
stand
you.
The cons outweighed
the little pros
we had.
Yet
you were my first
true love
and managed to be
everything I didn't like.
It's heartbreaking when you've found the one. The one person who you're meant to be with but it isn't meant to be. It's not just "when it's good, it's goood." When it's good, it's AMAZING. But when it's bad, it's worse. And you think, well that isn't what a relationship is. That's not love. But god dammit if you could have been there... there's no way to explain it. There's a lot more to a relationship, to a commitment, than just loving each other. When the fighting never ceases, and compromises can't be made-- it was not from a lack of trying. When there's just so many differences between us that even the saying "opposites attract" couldn't be more wrong. It's heartbreaking. Finding someone to love so strongly and so purely and having him love you back with the same intensity.... but the ends just don't quite meet. You both know you need to let go, but are too selfish. You're happily unhappy... or even unhappily happy. You don't want to see them with someone else, and not just because of jealousy. It makes you psychically ill. Makes your heart actually hurt. You're their sunshine and their rain. Their agony and their bliss. You meet someone so perfectly imperfect for you (or imperfectly perfect). Someone you literally cannot stand but can't stay away from. It's a vicious and sadistic joke. One that isn't funny and has no punchline.