Stuck

Why do I constantly torture myself,
Why am I still breathing,
I should have been gone a long time ago,
I should be in the ground,

Everyone tells me I'm a good person,
But why do I feel like an asshole,
People tell me I'm attractive,
Then why have I been alone so long,

What have I done to fall into,
This vicious cycle,
In and out of sobriety,
But always feeling pain,

I don't know where I'm going with this,
If anyone is listening,
If anyone cares,
I think I'm just all alone,

I have close friends,
A good family,
But I don't like myself,
I loathe myself,

I should be better,
Instead of on the edge sanity,
I don't think any amount of anything will help,
I think I'm just stuck,

I don't want to live as a failure,
As a shallow, pathetic waste of space,
I don't want to live like this,
I often contemplate my future,

Will I ever be successful,
Will I ever be happy,
Will I ever be wanted,
Will I ever be,
Someone I can look upon proud.