Easier to Laugh

It's one of those things --
You think you can say it.
And you can,
As a joke it flows like
The perfect punchline
To a shitty day.
But when it comes to honesty
The word doesn't come so easy.
Gets stuck at the back
Of your throat,
Cuts off air,
Suffocates you and you know
You could say it and get help
Or laugh it off and be alone.
Somehow it's easier to say
With a chuckle
Or a chortle
Let's go
Jump off a bridge
Put a bullet in our heads
Slit our wrists
And end this.
It's just a joke,
Just a coping mechanism
Only it's not,
Not really.
It's a list,
A counter.
Every moment that lead to this--
It's a laugh
To hide the tears,
A smile to wave off fears.
It's a dance in the office,
A sobbing career.
It's every day
Backs turned,
Smiles alight.
Because it's easier To laugh
When you say
"I want to end my life."