I Don't Know
How to explain this weird emptiness;
How to listen to stories, laughing and smiling at the right times.
I use to be good at that.
Now I stare at the forehead – like the books taught people like me—and hold a small smile.
I…do they think my mind wanders? What do they wonder?
I wonder what I think, too.
I don’t know
How to escape this fog that blinds my head, and that somehow makes it hard to actually see.
I think of the wishes that created me; how I look at them as if they
were strangers with that damn familiar face I just can’t place.
How to begin to find the words to…it’s..
How to understand why I can have so much fun with everyone, yet want to be alone for days, weeks.
It’s hard for the latter to happen when in a relationship, when the love ones depend on you and
by God
You will gladly go broke because you’re the responsible one; the one people hyped up to be something
Amazing
And…amazing hasn’t arrived so here’s money on the present to scrub off those childhoods.
I don’t know.
I guess I’ll keep going until something sticks because I can’t – I can’t – I want the memories
To be the present again.
I don’t know what I’ve done.
I don’t know why I had let myself walk and walk. Head up, eyes nowhere.
No talking
Just wait and wait and wait and wait—
Wait. When’s the last time I talked to her—him?
Did I ever finally answer the phone?
I don’t know. I don’t think I did.
I wish I could.
How to listen to stories, laughing and smiling at the right times.
I use to be good at that.
Now I stare at the forehead – like the books taught people like me—and hold a small smile.
I…do they think my mind wanders? What do they wonder?
I wonder what I think, too.
I don’t know
How to escape this fog that blinds my head, and that somehow makes it hard to actually see.
I think of the wishes that created me; how I look at them as if they
were strangers with that damn familiar face I just can’t place.
How to begin to find the words to…it’s..
How to understand why I can have so much fun with everyone, yet want to be alone for days, weeks.
It’s hard for the latter to happen when in a relationship, when the love ones depend on you and
by God
You will gladly go broke because you’re the responsible one; the one people hyped up to be something
Amazing
And…amazing hasn’t arrived so here’s money on the present to scrub off those childhoods.
I don’t know.
I guess I’ll keep going until something sticks because I can’t – I can’t – I want the memories
To be the present again.
I don’t know what I’ve done.
I don’t know why I had let myself walk and walk. Head up, eyes nowhere.
No talking
Just wait and wait and wait and wait—
Wait. When’s the last time I talked to her—him?
Did I ever finally answer the phone?
I don’t know. I don’t think I did.
I wish I could.