I Don't Know

How to explain this weird emptiness;

How to listen to stories, laughing and smiling at the right times.

I use to be good at that.

Now I stare at the forehead – like the books taught people like me—and hold a small smile.

I…do they think my mind wanders? What do they wonder?

I wonder what I think, too.

I don’t know

How to escape this fog that blinds my head, and that somehow makes it hard to actually see.

I think of the wishes that created me; how I look at them as if they

were strangers with that damn familiar face I just can’t place.

How to begin to find the words to…it’s..

How to understand why I can have so much fun with everyone, yet want to be alone for days, weeks.

It’s hard for the latter to happen when in a relationship, when the love ones depend on you and

by God

You will gladly go broke because you’re the responsible one; the one people hyped up to be something

Amazing

And…amazing hasn’t arrived so here’s money on the present to scrub off those childhoods.

I don’t know.

I guess I’ll keep going until something sticks because I can’t – I can’t – I want the memories

To be the present again.

I don’t know what I’ve done.

I don’t know why I had let myself walk and walk. Head up, eyes nowhere.

No talking

Just wait and wait and wait and wait—

Wait. When’s the last time I talked to her—him?

Did I ever finally answer the phone?

I don’t know. I don’t think I did.

I wish I could.