A Seven Year War

I used to say it started with the fall
But looking back I know that this evil monster took over
Long before it knocked me down to the ground

When I was younger, there was nothing I could do
but beg for mercy from this monster that had become apart of me
There is no easy fix, no knight in shining armor to save me
from this cruel wicked being that has tormented me
from the tender age of 15

I felt on my own, stuck fighting a losing battle
I wasn’t sure I wanted to win
against a demonic creature that was unlike any other I’ve faced before.
My monster was deceitful and hidden in the most obvious places,
I wonder if they can see him too

I’ve battled many villians;
There was the deceitful girl who pushed me down
To make herself feel better.
She took all that I wanted for herself,
and I still gave her more than I have given other girls that I cared for more

There was the boy who did everything he could to bring me up,
He treated me so well but couldn’t care for himself
He kept me still, and when I finally left him
I hated myself for hurting him and hated myself for loving being free
Those battles alone were a hefty prize.

One little push would be enough to send me over the edge.
Luckily I’ve already fallen.

There is no other option than to face the dark creature,
that seemed perfectly content on destroying me.
The first battle took weeks to end, but i had done it beaten the monster
that had taken down so many before me.
And I had done it alone

To me, a girl who had beaten everything and was slowly getting better.
This battle was a huge victory.

Even though it was me who strayed off the path,
and found those evil monsters
It was also me who found the strength to defeat them

But now all these years later, I wonder if I even won this war at all
He’s always there hiding in the shadows
When I am feeling stressed he rears his ugly head
When I am lonely he comforts me
When I am sad he is there to push me deeper and darker into the past

I thought I had defeated this demon,
as I defeated all of the others through the years
But if I’m not careful he comes right back.
I won that battle, but I’m still at risk for losing the war.

Seven years have passed and I still drag the weight of this monster around
Am I holding onto this corpse or is it he who is holding onto me?
♠ ♠ ♠
This is an update to my first and only other poem on this site. Note my progress both as a writer and as someone fighting this war.