A Battle Half Fought
What is this feeling?
I know that it's jealousy. I know I feel inadequate. How could I not? This is a battle, and I am unprepared.
My stomach boils. My throat burns with acid.
I want you to look at me. If you say that you want me, I need you to hold me. Don't tell me to be more interesting then call it encouragement.
You want me to fight for you. I have enemies. I will fight them.
I won't fight forever, though, trailing behind you. This fight is wearing me down. I am strong, but my eyesight is blurring, and I can't see your love right in front of me. It has to touch me, skin against skin. I need to wear it like armor.
Like armor, because in this battle I am naked and unarmed.
This is a battle, but fight with me.
I won't be your gladiator.
I know that it's jealousy. I know I feel inadequate. How could I not? This is a battle, and I am unprepared.
My stomach boils. My throat burns with acid.
I want you to look at me. If you say that you want me, I need you to hold me. Don't tell me to be more interesting then call it encouragement.
You want me to fight for you. I have enemies. I will fight them.
I won't fight forever, though, trailing behind you. This fight is wearing me down. I am strong, but my eyesight is blurring, and I can't see your love right in front of me. It has to touch me, skin against skin. I need to wear it like armor.
Like armor, because in this battle I am naked and unarmed.
This is a battle, but fight with me.
I won't be your gladiator.
♠ ♠ ♠
I wrote this when I was in a terrible relationship with a boy who just really wanted to be the center of attention. He wanted this attention so badly that he took strides to make me jealous by flirting with other women, openly reveling in my jealousy, then told me to be better if I wanted the attention that he wasn't giving me. We are no longer together.