Those Memories

Everyone says "it's time"
Time to move on
Time to change
Time to rise above

Thing is.. if you've never felt it
Never experienced it
Then you'll never understand
I'm talking about the trauma here people

Many of us have these... these..
Experiences
The PTSD
It never really leaves

You can never comprhend someone's feelings
Not entirely, you can ASSume
Very few people even try to understand
Even fewer still can admit they never will
And rare are those who accept it but still try

It's fucked me up completely can't you see
Days and nights where it comes back to me in flashes
Worse, somedays... I even miss it
I miss the misery and the pain more than anything

Memories they're funny, fickle things
Every time I close my eyes
It feels as real and as vivid as the first time
That beginning that was the end
Of the girl we call....

She doesn't have a name
She doesn't need one
She's a shell now
Broken and vile

Here for everyone's use and pleasure
She is nothing and she is no one
No one... special.
Because it's all of us
You and me..

Red is my favorite color and my first memory
Dripping off the mirror
The laughs, the fear, the smell
Shame and humiliation
Tastes so much better now than it did before

Obedience and a taste for the shame
The self loathing, the distrust, the hate
It was all in bred in
Love it and take it and beg for more
Thats all your good for

Taking other peoples pain and suffering away
It was what I was born for
It's all I will ever succeed at
At least I'm finally good at something

You must learn to love to survive
And the scars left behind
In the form of pleasure
Well that's one way to cope I suppose

Choke me, degrade me, break me please
Show me I'm worthless and make me love it
Then tell me I'm your everything
Keep me coming back for more
And hopefully one day..
I'll be broken enough

Broken enough to finally... finally.. finally
Sweet dreams my sweet little girl.