Frantic Mind

Promised I'd never go through it
But yet here, I sit
Heart racing, stomach aching
Wondering what I'll be facing
Was it all a lie?
Were things hidden this whole time?
I'm sick and weak
It's only his love I seek
What do I do, what do I believe?
What can any of this achieve?
All I want is to be loved
But instead my feelings are shoved
Shoved to the side like they're nothing.
I just want to be worth something.
How do I know, how do I deal?
Is anything he said, promised, even real?
I can't feel anything but panic
Laying here as my mind goes frantic
Waiting to wake up, for it to be fake
I'm not sure how much I can take
Why would he do this to me?
After everything he promised we'd be.
Does he even want us, his family?
Or is he unhappy and bored with me?