"I Love You" and Other Words Without Meaning

My hands, they shake.
White hot anger surges though me like an
electrical current, the broken pieces inside me
slice through the walls I so carefully crafted.
The words left unsaid taste sour
on my lips.
"Either love me or don't"

The door slams shut.
The silence is palpable, heavy. The only sound the ringing
in my ears

I love you too, dad
but this has got
to stop
Like you used to tell me when I was small
only louder. I love you too, dad

But I hate you when you're
loud, veins bulging,
spitting venom. I love you too, dad

But sometimes I resent you
because you know the saying
"The best thing a man can do for his child..."
Or maybe
you don't. I love you too, dad

But you haven't the slightest idea
how that venom
has forever
stained me. I love you too, dad

In the bathroom, crying
nine years
old, the day you called me
fat.
How that word has forever scarred me
even when the scars faded

I love you too, dad
but the reason I'm afraid of my reflection
is because I see
you
in it. I love you too dad

But I'm
angry, giggling as you carried me
on your shoulders. Reading me poetry. I fucking loved you, dad
and you
let me down.

Perhaps I've been
too hard. I love you too, dad

But as the years go by I wonder, who's the bigger
liar, you

or me.