Sleepless

Open my eyes, the sun is out...

Every waking moment, im in doubt
Close my eyes and Im falling down
Dead memories always lurk around
I bury discontent with a strong frown

Walk around like a zombie
Constant nauseousness upon me
Ashamed to even breathe, its ugly..
Always a victim to a living misery

How much can I drink until it fades away
The pain of realizing, im dead either way
Fuck it..

Evening comes..

The only way I can see my thoughts is in the night time
It fucking haunts me always at the wrong times..
Trying to be free but the shackles are locked tight
I try to run away but shit, it stays like a parasite
And now Im steadily running out of night light
Trapped in a place where I cant even think right.
The man in the mirror, his eyes are a somber sight
I cant beleive Im fucking 24 and still trying to fight..

Who am I?
Dont have the slightest clue
I know about as much as you
Its a state of affairs,
Too fucking sad to be true
So what do I do..?

Its all I can do just to get myself out of bed
Its all I can do not to put a bullet in my head..

I dont wanna die but Im not even alive..
So now what...

Midnight

When is it my fucking time?
When can I finally beleive im alive..
When can I look at that man in the mirror
And be able to tell him. "You survived.."
When can I stop being a passenger on my own ride..
Its sad that I dont even own my own life..
Im a guest in this body and it is not alright..

I used to have nightmares every night
Now I beg for sleep to come early every time
The waking hours are barely even mine
The mind runs rampant on my broken dime
And I just want to be able to say goodbye...

Just hang in there..
Fight until the morning comes..
I can try again when the sun is up..
The cycle repeats..
I close my eyes..