me too

you don't know me
only the me I allow you to see
I contort my face into the shape
of a smile
though beneath it all
I'm a shattered grimace, unhinged and vile
it's my fault you think I am sane
what could I possibly know about pain?
after all I am just a small blissful thing, ruddy cheeked and beaming,
what could I possibly know
about bleeding?
you don't know me, no.
this smile conceals disillusionment
have I bent
your perception?
your preconceived
conception?
this is my objection:
you don't know me
no, not like you believe me
to be
do you know how many nights I have binged
found myself alone on a bathroom floor, reeling, unhinged
retching out yesterday's mistakes
along with enough blood to stain your stark white image of me
behind closed doors, what no one sees
do you know what it's like to watch mouthfuls of yourself swirling down the drain
just like you
I too
have felt pain