Better Off, Falling
Fall!
Affixed to the pale light above
I find words cannot desribe a love
The mountains carry their sad song
It brushes along my face
I can only feel alone.
The train tracks, a deep night
The bridge overlooks the highway
My face shows nothing,
A reflection of my soul
Innate screaming
From the burrowing hole
Of the past.
My memories flash../
The ocean air so pure and cool
Harbor-side bar, lit up, and alive
A man from another walk of life;
"You look so happy and innocent,
But I see something inside."
Of course you do, I have much to hide.
He asked many questions,
I answered even less.
/
They always say I look so happy
Do I fake it so well?
To facade an innocence,
That I do not possess.
Could I make it real again..?
If I put it to the test..
I dont think..
My heart screams louder than I..
The thundering traffic below my feet,
This bridge is considerably high,//
Midday, High-school library..
She sat across from me and laughed;
"What are you doing?" She had asked..
My response, just a shrug,
I still had no idea why, she bothered to try.
I showed her what I was writing,
How I felt about my life, and fighting..
She didnt even look at me,
"This is how you feel about being alive?"
I only nodded. I live my life, ready to die.
She never spoke to me again.///
The intense lights, the vehicles speed by,
I can feel their vibrations at my feet..
I stood at the railing, peer to the sky.//
"You know he cuts, and burns himself,
Hes probably going to kill himself."
He told her in spite of me.
I was far out of school, at a party.
One had taken interest, unfortunately..
She only glanced at me before taking his side.
A look of fear and confusion inside.
Intoxicated and unwilling to fight.
I wandered home alone through the night..
Not a word, no expression.
Just the hurt in my mind.
I will be alone this time..//
I grip the rusting rails..
A frown takes my face, with logic I fail.
I have tried to make this right
Time and time again I do not prevail..
I am sad to say to this tale
We have struggled to no avail..
The end is nigh..//
Ill never forget the feeling I felt...
My woman next to me,
My baby daughter nustled and asleep
Everyone tired from a long day
And I felt happiness in me.
The vibration of a phone called out
Like a spectre in the night.
I dared to look.
Pictures and messages.
Guy named Chris.
"I love you"
"Hey baby Im finally home"
"I cant wait to see you babe".
I look back at my family
My world crashes to my fucking feet..///
My heart heardens as my memories compile
I feel the dread in my chest for miles
A sickening feeling
A violation beyond my while
The cacophony of vehicles
Their roars bring me back..
I take a step onto the railing,
The wind blows through my hair..//
"David is adopting her wether you like it or not."
You are better off without me..
You are better off.
"Youre such a nasty and negative person"
You are better off without me..
You are better off..
"Youre scaring me"
You are better off without me..
You are better off..
"I cant take this anymore"
You are better off without me..
You are better..off..
"Just being around you makes everyone feel weird. You never talk. You never want to be around my family. You always want to be alone."
You are better off without me..
You are better off..
"Dont ever talk to me again, you arent even a friend"
You are better off without me..
You are better off....
"Leave, and dont come back"
You are better off without me....
You are better off...
////
Horns, engines, the echos of the pavement singing below my feet.
The old train track bridge shuddering
I grip the rail, one foot in front of the other..
I inhale the night air deeply.
I step off.
Close my eyes,
I fall into the lights.
Affixed to the pale light above
I find words cannot desribe a love
The mountains carry their sad song
It brushes along my face
I can only feel alone.
The train tracks, a deep night
The bridge overlooks the highway
My face shows nothing,
A reflection of my soul
Innate screaming
From the burrowing hole
Of the past.
My memories flash../
The ocean air so pure and cool
Harbor-side bar, lit up, and alive
A man from another walk of life;
"You look so happy and innocent,
But I see something inside."
Of course you do, I have much to hide.
He asked many questions,
I answered even less.
/
They always say I look so happy
Do I fake it so well?
To facade an innocence,
That I do not possess.
Could I make it real again..?
If I put it to the test..
I dont think..
My heart screams louder than I..
The thundering traffic below my feet,
This bridge is considerably high,//
Midday, High-school library..
She sat across from me and laughed;
"What are you doing?" She had asked..
My response, just a shrug,
I still had no idea why, she bothered to try.
I showed her what I was writing,
How I felt about my life, and fighting..
She didnt even look at me,
"This is how you feel about being alive?"
I only nodded. I live my life, ready to die.
She never spoke to me again.///
The intense lights, the vehicles speed by,
I can feel their vibrations at my feet..
I stood at the railing, peer to the sky.//
"You know he cuts, and burns himself,
Hes probably going to kill himself."
He told her in spite of me.
I was far out of school, at a party.
One had taken interest, unfortunately..
She only glanced at me before taking his side.
A look of fear and confusion inside.
Intoxicated and unwilling to fight.
I wandered home alone through the night..
Not a word, no expression.
Just the hurt in my mind.
I will be alone this time..//
I grip the rusting rails..
A frown takes my face, with logic I fail.
I have tried to make this right
Time and time again I do not prevail..
I am sad to say to this tale
We have struggled to no avail..
The end is nigh..//
Ill never forget the feeling I felt...
My woman next to me,
My baby daughter nustled and asleep
Everyone tired from a long day
And I felt happiness in me.
The vibration of a phone called out
Like a spectre in the night.
I dared to look.
Pictures and messages.
Guy named Chris.
"I love you"
"Hey baby Im finally home"
"I cant wait to see you babe".
I look back at my family
My world crashes to my fucking feet..///
My heart heardens as my memories compile
I feel the dread in my chest for miles
A sickening feeling
A violation beyond my while
The cacophony of vehicles
Their roars bring me back..
I take a step onto the railing,
The wind blows through my hair..//
"David is adopting her wether you like it or not."
You are better off without me..
You are better off.
"Youre such a nasty and negative person"
You are better off without me..
You are better off..
"Youre scaring me"
You are better off without me..
You are better off..
"I cant take this anymore"
You are better off without me..
You are better..off..
"Just being around you makes everyone feel weird. You never talk. You never want to be around my family. You always want to be alone."
You are better off without me..
You are better off..
"Dont ever talk to me again, you arent even a friend"
You are better off without me..
You are better off....
"Leave, and dont come back"
You are better off without me....
You are better off...
////
Horns, engines, the echos of the pavement singing below my feet.
The old train track bridge shuddering
I grip the rail, one foot in front of the other..
I inhale the night air deeply.
I step off.
Close my eyes,
I fall into the lights.
♠ ♠ ♠
.........................................................................................................