Abuse Me
No responsibility, no life goals or future endeavors.
That's all you see.
You don't know me anymore, and I don't think you ever truly did. How could you when I was a human, not a screen.
Begging for you attention and love that you let slide to the side.
You let others into your life and didn't care as I slipped away.
I was so far gone that when you finally turned around it was far too late.
You promised to let people know how shitty I was, but let's not forget all the good I had done.
The abuse and mental torture I endured for four years while still keeping it together for us.
The times you would abandon me for days at a time, couldn't get a hold of you and you were strung out on something, driving all over.
That time you were drunk, forced me into the car, ran us into a curb on my side and made me walk home for being scared and crying. We were nowhere near home.
Let's not forget that you demanded all my pay once I got this new job because "I'm more the adult than you".
Remember that when you were sick, I pushed you to get better and take care of yourself while my health diminished and you just mocked me.
When we were in a meeting with our worker and you were kicking me under the table anytime I spoke. He saw the pain in my eyes and you only kicked harder when the tears fell silently. I was reprimanded by you when he left briefly.
There was usually a conversation about my behaviour before we went to visit your family. The things I was allowed to discuss or not. Embarrassing you was a huge no-no.
That time you caused me to have a panic attack in the middle of a store and then yelled at me for the scene, only making the anxiety and panic worsen for me to the point I couldn't hold my composure at all.
The time you had me cowering in the corner, it was the middle of the night. Your fist was raised in anger and your voice was loud and scary. I was screaming and crying, pleading with you to stop and leave me alone, you wouldn't. Too bad we lived in such a horrid apartment nobody would've blinked if you beat me.
You threatened me for saying I wanted to go to violence against women.
Months later you said you would slaughter me because I did something minor (handed you food while in the middle of a game because it was burning my hand), then proceeded to explain how; in front of my own mother.
When I finally got the courage to leave for the second last time, you called me crazy. Said I needed help and I was weak. You told me you'd take me to the psych hospital for evaluation.
You tried to make me believe I would only ever be loved by you and that I desperately needed you.
The final time I left you stole from me and sold my possessions.
I didn't go after you although I have receipts and still could. I didn't charge you for anything although I maybe should have.
You made me believe I was the monster when all along I was just staring at one: you.
Whenever a bad thought wants to leave your mouth and you try to poison others' thoughts of me, remember the hell you put me through.
This was only the tip of the iceberg.
That's all you see.
You don't know me anymore, and I don't think you ever truly did. How could you when I was a human, not a screen.
Begging for you attention and love that you let slide to the side.
You let others into your life and didn't care as I slipped away.
I was so far gone that when you finally turned around it was far too late.
You promised to let people know how shitty I was, but let's not forget all the good I had done.
The abuse and mental torture I endured for four years while still keeping it together for us.
The times you would abandon me for days at a time, couldn't get a hold of you and you were strung out on something, driving all over.
That time you were drunk, forced me into the car, ran us into a curb on my side and made me walk home for being scared and crying. We were nowhere near home.
Let's not forget that you demanded all my pay once I got this new job because "I'm more the adult than you".
Remember that when you were sick, I pushed you to get better and take care of yourself while my health diminished and you just mocked me.
When we were in a meeting with our worker and you were kicking me under the table anytime I spoke. He saw the pain in my eyes and you only kicked harder when the tears fell silently. I was reprimanded by you when he left briefly.
There was usually a conversation about my behaviour before we went to visit your family. The things I was allowed to discuss or not. Embarrassing you was a huge no-no.
That time you caused me to have a panic attack in the middle of a store and then yelled at me for the scene, only making the anxiety and panic worsen for me to the point I couldn't hold my composure at all.
The time you had me cowering in the corner, it was the middle of the night. Your fist was raised in anger and your voice was loud and scary. I was screaming and crying, pleading with you to stop and leave me alone, you wouldn't. Too bad we lived in such a horrid apartment nobody would've blinked if you beat me.
You threatened me for saying I wanted to go to violence against women.
Months later you said you would slaughter me because I did something minor (handed you food while in the middle of a game because it was burning my hand), then proceeded to explain how; in front of my own mother.
When I finally got the courage to leave for the second last time, you called me crazy. Said I needed help and I was weak. You told me you'd take me to the psych hospital for evaluation.
You tried to make me believe I would only ever be loved by you and that I desperately needed you.
The final time I left you stole from me and sold my possessions.
I didn't go after you although I have receipts and still could. I didn't charge you for anything although I maybe should have.
You made me believe I was the monster when all along I was just staring at one: you.
Whenever a bad thought wants to leave your mouth and you try to poison others' thoughts of me, remember the hell you put me through.
This was only the tip of the iceberg.
♠ ♠ ♠
About my ex.