I Know

Leave me. It’s okay.
It’s probably better for you
So why stay?
The beginning is shiny but gradually
You’ll fade away. Just like everyone.
I can act indifferent but late at night
I lay in my bed and let myself cry
When nobody’s watching
When I won’t be a show
and I’m falling so deeply
It’s okay, I know.
I have nothing to offer.
I know.
I know.
I know I am wrong.
I should not exist,
But I do.
I exist.
I breathe, I cry, I feel the hurt,
I understand that you must put yourself first.
And I am sick.
Sick with an illness I don’t know how to fix.
I am worthless.
I know.
I have accepted the darkness
That tugs at my soul
The rock in my stomach
It’s all good, I know.
I wish I could take this life
And bestow it on someone without the same chances.
Give me your brain tumor so you can live,
Give me your blindness so you can see,
Give me your hurt so you can get out of bed,
Give me your pain so you can breathe.
Please. Take my life and do something great
Because I am not.
And so I sit here writing this
Feeling that vacant emptiness
But tomorrow I’ll smile.
Slap my cheeks for a bit of color,
Flash my teeth to feel a bit better,
Take the morning cool and slow,
But I’m not okay.
It’s fine. I know.