Confession

I’ve done something bad
in fact
I’ve done something stupid
ever since that night I’ve felt myself disappearing
fading into the guilt of an awful decision
I stayed home from brunch with friends
because I knew you'd show
I knew what I’d do
and I knew what I’d say
I’m realizing every text I continue to send you
is another nail in our coffin
my universe shifted
knocking me off axis
I fight with myself habitually
wishing I was yours instead
we whispered in the dark
on our best friend's living room floor
pretending we're something we're not
something we'll never be
we hold hands in the dark
we share my sleeping bag
I lay my head on your chest
I put my fingers in your hair
knowing we could love each other
I admit I could love you better than my past love
but I can no longer be blind
to the inappropriateness of us
because I’m already committed
even though I felt alive when you
kissed me in a darkened kitchen
my hands were frozen
I couldn't move
couldn't refuse - didn't want to refuse
I felt your tongue in my mouth
I kissed you back
and the next week you didn't acknowledge
my existence
you asked our friends if I was okay
but you knew the truth
we did something bad
in fact
we did something stupid