Nervous

I suppose, this wasn't meant for me
I suppose, faith had another things in mind

This isn't fun for me
I'm starting to forget the last time I had fun without a drink in my hand
a glass of liquid anxiety medication
that pours down my throat like a social justice obligation

it's been the only way I can laugh and cheer
It's been the only way I can focus on a face without feeling bad
for not looking straight into their eyes
because drinks allow you to do that
They allow you to loosen up
lose control
unleash your demons
spill out your secrets
dance like no one is watching
but at the same time, know that
everybody is watching
and still dance anyways

you see my nerves get nervous
and my nervous system gets nerves too

First it affects my emotions
then my blinking
then my decision making
then my thinking
then my muscles
and suddenly, I'm a panic attack away from
another round of drinking