I wonder

I wonder sometimes,
What death,
What that last breath,
What final goodbyes,
Feels like?

I wonder sometimes,
Is it just me?
Is it my fault?
Would it be better,
On the other side?

I wonder sometimes,
What my last thought,
What my last word,
What my last memory,
Will be?

I wonder sometimes,
If I can just go,
If I can just disappear,
If I can just skip the,
Painful goodbyes

I wonder sometimes,
Who will be sad,
Who will really miss me,
Who will cry,
At my funeral

I wonder sometimes,
Is all this pain,
Is all this suffering,
Is all this effort,
Is it all worth it?

I wonder sometimes,
Could I end it all?
Could I say those goodbyes?
Could walk away from,
Everyone I love?