Alexithymia

It's something unimaginable for me
to not be able to describe what I feel.
I'm used to writing everything
that goes on inside my heart and mind,
but no words can describe what I feel.

I can tell you a hundred words
that are a part of what I feel,
but nothing can make you feel
as much pain as I feel.

I'm at a loss of words
of what's going on with me.
I'm a writer with a pen
that no longer lets words flow from it,
but still, I want my pain to share.

I'll try once again for all of you
to explain what I couldn't before.
Because I can't live with myself
with the pain I'm feeling.

It's the kind of pain that can only be felt
when someone close to you is gone.
No matter the reason,
the dead stay dead
and only in dreams the dead come back to life.

You can dream of old memories
and wake up with tears rolling down your cheeks.
You can dream of pointless things
and wake up trying to explain your dreams to yourself.
You can dream of them trying to speak to you,
and wake up keeping their words close to your heart.
You can dream of their last moments,
and wake up from the nightmare,
only to realize you are living it.

It's a hell that seems never ending
and you know you can never wake up from it.
It's a living hell
and no words will ever be able to describe
the emptiness and sadness in my heart.
♠ ♠ ♠
Trying to describe
what losing someone close to you
really feels like.
If there are any words
that can actually do that.