alone

well well well,
if it isn't the heart-wrenching
darkness that pulls me back
every single time i find my way out
making me feel like half a woman
pegged down to nothing more
than a broken spirit
i repress my sadness because
my emotions are too hard
for anyone to understand
let alone me
"what do you want?"
"what do you need?"
such vague inquiries
i want to sleep for a week
until my heart no longer feels like glass
and my bones stop aching
until i'm no longer a phantom
floating alongside my own body
until i have loud, uncontrollable laughter
and a smile that makes my eyes crease
i need someone to let me lie my head on their chest
as they run their fingers through my hair
and whisper, "i know it hurts, but i'm here now"
i need them to squeeze me tighter
until my body finally relaxes into theirs
knowing i don't have to feel this anymore