Carton of Cigs

Because of you,
I have an empty carton of cigarettes.
Taking a drag when I see someone who's not me on your hip.
Takin' a drag when you smile at someone better.
Inhale the good shit, and exhale the bullshit, right?
Wish you could just be a vapor that I could expel from my lungs.
Another drag as I start to wonder why it couldn't have been me?
Why it couldn't have been me to make you happy.
Why it couldn't have been me to make you safe.
Sliding another cigarette out of the pack, I thought how quickly things get fucked up
Lighting the cigarette and thinking about the burning I have in my heart.
Four cigarettes in and I'm still not high enough to forget about you.
Secret hope for numbness in my soul to engulf me.
What was I thinking?
That I was good enough?
That I was what you needed?
That I was good for you?
You told me you loved me, but I think it was the alcohol.
You probably wouldn't remember the next day anyway.
I wonder if you can talk to me without the help of drugs.
Or maybe you just have to be fucked up to love me.
Ten cigarettes, halfway done and my throat is starting to burn.