exhaustion breeds anxiety

i just wanna scream
let all this shit out before it hits me and i bust open; bursting seams streaming fourth uncontrollably
until i wither
and fade
my body curled up in a ball; fetal position installs
i forget how to breathe but not in a good way
my breath leaves

and returns bold,
taking as much air in as my lungs will hold
so i don't choke
i'm being provoked - from every fucking angle - i feel like a joke
no punchline
just hope....
less

where's the place for me to run and hide
everyone gets to lose their minds but me
sit here and try to keep my shit together, sewn with tattered and breaking string - sting - ouch
(i'm not doing real well)
i keep having these moments of utter despair; terror... and the feeling that there's really no-one there
and i am truly alone

i have no home
inside my mind is clouded and foggy
it swells and explodes in a mess of chaos and anxiety
reign it in, put it back in the box - turn key
until the next time it breaks it's locks

i want to be held and rocked like a little baby
somebody's turn to look after me, maybe?