E.L.I.5

I must be missing
something you didn't
ever explain.
Insults
with too much meaning
for you to say you
didn't mean them.

And it's been
two decades
making me
your wreckage,
since not a
single part of me's been spared.
The first time I sat
in the back of a cop car,
it was your fault.
Arrested development
was just another gift
that I never wanted.

Explain like I'm 5,
and my eyes are still shining
because you're a superhero
who has never left me crying,
gasping for air
'til i'm sure that I'm dying.
I didn't understand back then,
still don't at 25, so
here's your chance to try again
Explain like I'm 5.

We don't talk about feelings.
You don't want to hear it,
told me point-blank
that you didn't care.
Indifference locked and loaded,
triggered by your voice
every time I hear it raised.

Explain like I'm 5,
when I still bothered trying
convinced I could make you proud,
pass your tests with colors flying.
The grey in your hair now
is another sad reminder
that I've processed
and I've healed
but I will never
have a second chance
to get to be a child.