Charmed

it should've couldn't've
too much and not enough to give
showing my hand of hearts and spade
promised diamonds and dreams in the trade
future flimsy as a house of cards
with sleight of hand close to your chest
looking better than the last and the rest
how did you have that twinkle in your eye
how could it have been
that you didn't know your sin
told me you'd do anything, even die
where did you get that poker face

you made yourself my hero but left out the anti
just upped the ante
about to bet it all
at your beck and call
til you took me right back where I started from
afraid of what I could or couldn't become
swallowing more demons again
more medicine more wrong turns
more poison this time until it burns
still can't tell if I'm worth nothing or a lot
wishin' n hopin' n prayin' I'll be worth the gamble
for a soul I know exists
one that isn't yours

because you're a tin man lion and scarecrow all in one
not a doer or a thinker
not a lying or an honest man
your heart was in the right and wrong place
how did I love a coward so
too desperate to be good enough for scraps
I should've been tired of running those laps
revolving around you and unravelling you
to find smoke and mirrors
after all the self-loathing and tears and apologies it was you
you hadn't the courage to live your shadow and share your reality

but how could I resist when you smiled so disarmingly
and what else could I expect from a life lived so charmingly

I never wrote you one love poem anyway
I should have known it wouldn't be you