Emotionally Complicated

It's so hard trying to keep everything inside,
It's too hard to not loose control
My body convulses, my heart beats hard and fast
My eyes water and sting and then I cry, I cry out loud,
I curse your lives
I curse you for bringing me into this world.
I never asked to live,
I never asked for life
I never asked for the disease
I never told you I was happy
To make you feel happy
I never said it was ok to have operations
I never said I liked being examined
I never said they could stick needles in me
I hate everything that is I
But I enjoy the pain now,
I thrive for the pain since it’s the only way to make me feel alive.
I see the blade as an option for release
The idea of cutting my skin on purpose to bleed, bleed away the pain
Bleed away my life
The idea of dying
The idea of not existing, it makes me happy
And that’s why I want to end it