Dear Sweet Beautiful Blade

Written on 5/21/08

Dear Sweet Beautiful Blade,
I've got to say thank you for being such a friend to me.
You've been my best friend for a while now.
There are so many feelings you make me feel.
Nothing has ever made me feel that way.
You're always there for me,
even when I don't need you.
When I'm feeling so depressed,
the pain you can create is so amazing.
It makes me temporarily forget
the real pain and my life.
It makes all the pain seem to fade away.
The feeling just doesn't last long enough.
It leaves me feeling unsatisfied
so I need you even more.
The red lines you leave marked on me
let me know that you'll always be waiting for me.
Everytime I look at those lines,
you seem to call my name.
But you can also make me feel so very terrible.
I feel so much guilt everytime I use you.
I feel ashamed to need you this much.
It all makes me cry and hate myself even more.
It's like one big cycle.
Sometimes the way you make me feel,
makes me want to kill myself.
I don't want to have to need you anymore.
So it's all got to end.
I promise I won't forget you
and what you've done for me.
How can I forget all my summers that were ruined
because I had to wear long sleeves?
How can I forget when I have scars covering my arms?
I'm so sorry Sweet Beautiful Blade,
but I have to say goodbye.