Razor Blade versus A Promise
So many things
Have me craving the sting
That a razor blade on skin brings.
Parents stressed out cause moneys so tight
They worry about making ends meet all day and night
As stress rises patience wears thin, tempers ignite
The tension, the screaming, the tears, the fights.
Past feeling so self hatred and loathing
Have started returning
Feeling alone and worthless
Feeling broken and hopeless
The stress of trying to figure out
What I want to do with my life, which route
Is right for me when I’m so full of doubt
I’m still trying to figure out who I am and what I’m about.
I’m afraid I’ll choose the wrong path for me
And a few years from now I’ll be
Looking back remorsefully
Wishing I had chosen something else originally
The thoughts of a fallen friend haunting me
My heart throbbing, aching, tearing, breaking, inside of me
Gnawing, churning, crashing, burning, swirling fire storm in me
His memory ever present in my mind, sometimes faintly ghosting
Other times overpowering and choking
Crying, hurting, aching, yearning, wishing he could come back from the grave
No one should ever have to lose some one they care about this way
Anger, rage, feeling betrayed because he chose to leave us this way
Ending his own life and leave us all behind
Wishing I could know what was going through his mind.
Heart aching, heart breaking, I never even got to say goodbye
Never got a chance to fix things between us, make sure he knew I cared
Desperately, wishing I could bring him back
Wishing the hands of time would unwind
And he’d still be alive and this time
Maybe we could save him
It’s been nearly two months and still
He haunts my thoughts,
My heart is still broken and a piece is still missing
It’s still so hard for me to believe
How could someone like him be gone? How could he just leave?
This pain won’t go away
The aching in my chest won’t fade away.
I want to feel that blade
Against my skin so badly
I miss it, I need it
Cutting the pain away
It’s been over 2 and a half years
Since I’ve used a blade to chase away
All my pain, my anger, my doubts, my despair, my fears.
In those two and a half years I’ve had a few minor slip-ups
A few scratches and scrapes but I haven’t broken the skin
Part of me wants so badly to give in and let the addiction win
But I made a promise at Morgan’s visitation and wake
I was sitting next to one of my best friends, who had grown up with him
She looked at me, eyes puffy and red from tears
And told me that this is why I can’t ever go back to cutting,
She doesn’t want me to end up like he did
She can’t stand to lose another friend
I made a promise to her, and to Morgan, and to myself that night
That I would never cut again, because of this promise I continue to fight
And struggle against the temptation
I always try to keep my promises
I will not break this one, I can’t
Have me craving the sting
That a razor blade on skin brings.
Parents stressed out cause moneys so tight
They worry about making ends meet all day and night
As stress rises patience wears thin, tempers ignite
The tension, the screaming, the tears, the fights.
Past feeling so self hatred and loathing
Have started returning
Feeling alone and worthless
Feeling broken and hopeless
The stress of trying to figure out
What I want to do with my life, which route
Is right for me when I’m so full of doubt
I’m still trying to figure out who I am and what I’m about.
I’m afraid I’ll choose the wrong path for me
And a few years from now I’ll be
Looking back remorsefully
Wishing I had chosen something else originally
The thoughts of a fallen friend haunting me
My heart throbbing, aching, tearing, breaking, inside of me
Gnawing, churning, crashing, burning, swirling fire storm in me
His memory ever present in my mind, sometimes faintly ghosting
Other times overpowering and choking
Crying, hurting, aching, yearning, wishing he could come back from the grave
No one should ever have to lose some one they care about this way
Anger, rage, feeling betrayed because he chose to leave us this way
Ending his own life and leave us all behind
Wishing I could know what was going through his mind.
Heart aching, heart breaking, I never even got to say goodbye
Never got a chance to fix things between us, make sure he knew I cared
Desperately, wishing I could bring him back
Wishing the hands of time would unwind
And he’d still be alive and this time
Maybe we could save him
It’s been nearly two months and still
He haunts my thoughts,
My heart is still broken and a piece is still missing
It’s still so hard for me to believe
How could someone like him be gone? How could he just leave?
This pain won’t go away
The aching in my chest won’t fade away.
I want to feel that blade
Against my skin so badly
I miss it, I need it
Cutting the pain away
It’s been over 2 and a half years
Since I’ve used a blade to chase away
All my pain, my anger, my doubts, my despair, my fears.
In those two and a half years I’ve had a few minor slip-ups
A few scratches and scrapes but I haven’t broken the skin
Part of me wants so badly to give in and let the addiction win
But I made a promise at Morgan’s visitation and wake
I was sitting next to one of my best friends, who had grown up with him
She looked at me, eyes puffy and red from tears
And told me that this is why I can’t ever go back to cutting,
She doesn’t want me to end up like he did
She can’t stand to lose another friend
I made a promise to her, and to Morgan, and to myself that night
That I would never cut again, because of this promise I continue to fight
And struggle against the temptation
I always try to keep my promises
I will not break this one, I can’t