faded notebook pages

i've forgotten who i am
what i was
who i could have been
where i needed to turn
and the street signs i have missed
the bridge that burned after my crossing
the lake that dried after i swam it
the tears that grew the hedge maze
i am forever stuck in

the lipstick smears and torn lace
the wet eyelashes and bleeding fingertips
the broken teeth and torn out nails
the hacked off hair and nails in my hands

old tears covered by the new
day old newspapers of war
yesterday's walmart flyer under my coffee mug
a paperback novel with a torn cover
a pen without ink trying to sign a check
a broken ATM card to an empty account
a tube of old lipstick in a purse without a strap
shoes without shoelaces next to a year old Cosmo

chasing vodka with a vodka chaser
gin and water, hold the latter
give me a god damn cigarette without the filter
let me hold the lighter under my finger
watch my flesh burn away
laugh at scars that will never fade

coffee black and tylenol
blankets up over my head
i'll curse the sun but it can't heart
it never could, never will
and will just ignore if it can

can you blame it?
can you blame the street signs for hiding?
the gin for pouring itself?
the fire for laughing?
the scars that won't leave the wrists they call home?

day old newspapers with stories of war
next to an empty coffee mug