The thought of nothing

It's hard to imagine
you were real

when you were never really there

its hard to imagine
you still are real...

but i know you are.

because every thought
to ever cross my mind
screams it
until my ears bleed
until the edges of my vision
fade to white

and im scared stiff,
but still curious enough to wonder

Were you real?
Are you real?

Were you ever really there?
Or did i hold onto the thought of nothing?