Looking Back

I'm happy
I'm sad
I'm lost
I'm confused
What do I do?
These feeling inside
Are jumbled and scattered
What am I feeling?
Happiness or sadness
Love to hate
I'm so confused
That's all I know
Everything else unknown
So now I ask
The feelings inside
Are they mine
Or are they lies
I try so hard
To understand
I try and try
But it's still unknown
About these feelings inside
I can't ask
I can't show
I can't let anyone know
About the feelings inside
I get angry
I don't know why
I start to yell
I don't know why
I feel like
The world is falling down
All around
Because of the feelings inside
I feel tears
Threatening to fall
But they vanish
I feel loneliness
Or am I mistaken
Is it happiness?
I don't know
I feel so confused
About these feeling inside
My heart cries out in pain
But I don't know why
Is it the feelings inside?
How do I make it stop?
I want to die
But don't
I push the thought
To the back of my mind
I can't
I won't
My mom
My friends
That's the only reason
I don't
I can't stop now
I can't help but look back
I just can't stop looking back
Everyone says
'Never look back'
But I just can't stop
I've been looking back for so long
How can I just stop?
How can I just not look back?
All my life I've been watching my back
All my life I've been looking back
Then suddenly
Now suddenly
I can't look back
How can you expect me to not look back?!
How can I just stop looking at myself?!
How can I not want to see myself when I was happy?!
How can I not want to see you when you care?!
...Even if it was only a tiny bit
...Even if you didn't really care
I know that you didn't
But I still miss you
So...
I can never stop.
I never stop looking back.
No matter how hard I try not to
I'll always be looking back
I'll always find myself getting caught...
For looking back...