My Hidden Secret

I'm sorry I cant open up and dump all my problems on you, I'm sorry you feel the way you do.
I'm not ok, I just put up a mask.
My hearts ackes for things I can't have, my heart breaks when I get sad.
I feel like I'm dead inside and out, and my tears are a endless supply.
My world is unhappy and I have no life.
I have a life I do not want, I dream the day it changes.
I'm lonely and sick of it, but I'm beyond giving a shit.
My heart bleeds when you say goodbye.
My mind drifts into thoughts that are bad.
I can't not help feeling sad.
I cry everyday for someone I miss, I long to hold him and I long to tell him how I feel.
If I had a dollar for every day I have shed a tear Id be a billionar.
My heart has gotten weak.
My life dream has disoppeared
And here I am feeling helpless and lost.
Here now I find my self crying again over my life.
Suicide will not be my option yet I long for the guts to do so.
Tears of pain and misery clowd my eyes
Stained red cheeks, like my heart when it bleeds
I wipe away the tears, I wipe away my fears
Make everything seem alright, but I'm not alright.
Letting go I put my mask on.
And trick you into thinking Im ok.
A pretty picture you may see.
But thats because you haven't seen inside of me......</3