Polite Eating (don't try this at home)
I have never been very socially refined
I can’t dip fondue or sip fine wine
I pick the lint from between my toes
And laugh till milk shoots out my nose
I pick my teeth with the fancy fork
And yell at waiters for serving pork
Cause my mother never taught me to dine
Things like this should be a bloody crime
Mother dearest use to shake her head
And wonder how it was I ever got fed
So if you see me, don’t stare
Because it’s really not fair
My Mamma never taught me to dine.
I can’t dip fondue or sip fine wine
I pick the lint from between my toes
And laugh till milk shoots out my nose
I pick my teeth with the fancy fork
And yell at waiters for serving pork
Cause my mother never taught me to dine
Things like this should be a bloody crime
Mother dearest use to shake her head
And wonder how it was I ever got fed
So if you see me, don’t stare
Because it’s really not fair
My Mamma never taught me to dine.