Polite Eating (don't try this at home)

I have never been very socially refined
I can’t dip fondue or sip fine wine

I pick the lint from between my toes
And laugh till milk shoots out my nose

I pick my teeth with the fancy fork
And yell at waiters for serving pork

Cause my mother never taught me to dine
Things like this should be a bloody crime

Mother dearest use to shake her head
And wonder how it was I ever got fed

So if you see me, don’t stare
Because it’s really not fair

My Mamma never taught me to dine.