The Ballad of Richard Nixon

Please believe me Washington,
I know not what I've done.
Knew nothing about the break-in,
my aides was just havin' some fun.

The tapes have just gone missing,
they's nowhere to be found.
And, anyway, I claim executive priveledge,
in case they're seen lyin' around.

My main man Agnew's resigned,
I'm left in this place all alone.
Everyone's now goin' back on me,
Now Checkers has even bemoaned.

The plumbers were just a conspiracy,
McDonald's was against me all along,
The gifts weren't bribes, just listen,
The C.R.P. now has all gone.

Richardson wouldn't obey me
when I told him Cox needed to go.
Ruckelshaus failed as his successor,
Bork and Jaworski soon gave in, though.

John Mitchell and Haldeman were all I could trust,
they stood by me from the very start.
Bernstein and Woodward, those [expletive deleted],
just had to rip my whole plan apart.

August 4 soon came and went,
as I handed over my smoking gun.
The tapes were now in the hands of the court,
my days as the president are done.