I’ve Learnt How To Word My Panic

I’ve Learnt How To Word My Panic

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If you join the dots
on my leg they form
a coffin, I notice and

wonder why. I put on
a flowered dress and
you ask me what I

mean. I noticed the way
your eyes flickered
as they traced guns
over your skin. You

held her hand and
squinted into the ocean.
I remember the
tent we camped in
years ago. I remember

when you lost your
awkwardness, and I wish
I knew why.

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I put on a flowered
dress and you see a
whisper of me. You
know who I am and
leave me standing

at the railway
station with only
a gun or a rope.

Dare me to choose,
I beg. I cry. I scream.
You only smile and

keep painting the
scenery. I watch your
hands and the light.
The scars on my
hip glow in the
heat and I can tell that

you are afraid. I
peel the paint off
the wall and search
for messages. You

laugh at me and I
cannot tell you I
knew the language
because I have no

words. I feel sick
and panicky. I clean
the cobwebs and red
carnations from my
wardrobe. I remember
how I used to always
call you skelett

and now I wish I knew
your name.

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