i think im paranoid, manipulated.

That phase.
That dirty little combination.
Grammatically correct.
Morally wrong.
There was nothing to gain.
False pride, maybe.
But in the end,
We both lost.
A life of second guesses
Missed chances.
Wishing for it to all to be a dream.
The way you looked into my eyes after
Made me wish
Disappointment was never an emotion.
Wish I could throw lust into
The fire
Along with that night.
That first tear
Killed me.
That night keeps running through my mind.
I hope it was worth it.
It never is.
I knew that when I started.
The looks.
The touching.
The moaning.
There was no love.
No passion.
No romance.
No excuse.
Now there is nothing to fix.
No heart.
No soul.
No will.
Just this room,
This picture.
A cold touch of someone
I barely know.
Someone different than
Last week.
Someone different than tomorrow.
No stability since that night.
My life became on
Big regret.
Even filled, your side of
The bed seems empty.
Bare.
Cold.
I couldnt, cant stop
Those urges, feelings.
Needs.
Drives become animalistic,
Barbaric.
It cant stop you see.
You didnt stop either.
You left, no goodbye.
I didnt stop you.
Couldnt.
I never deserved you.
Loved you.
Needed you.
Wanted you.
They stare, you friends.
Our friends.
Those people.
I look away,
Look past them
Into the void of
Other people, whose lives are
Worth the time spent to make
Them that way.
Funny how one time ruins
This much.
Imagine, a mistake of this degree,
Over and over and over.
No human could, should process
Such emotion from those victims.
Yes, victims.
The guilt.
Pain.
Depression.
Anger.
To be loathed with
Such intensity.
No, I will never let me be
That way.
No urge is worth
That multitude of hurt.
No, not now,
Not ever.
You will help me fight this, wont you?
No, no I wont drag you down
Im not the same, you know.
Not since that night.
Since that girl.