torture

I lie there,
staring,
what is wrong with me?
I think of one,
I love one,
but never will I feel his love.
His voice,
his laugh,
the poetic words falling from his lips.
The smiles he gives me,
the chills,
yet the pain stays,
I dream,
and belive,
until I come back to this unloved world.
I torture myself with thoughts,
the little mircales that never happen,
why am I only a fan in the crowd?
How can one person cause so much torture,
why is he so important,
and who is this person?
Bill Kaulitz