Not today..

With every breath I take,
I feel myself slipping away.
drowning in the lake
I cried, myself to sleep.
trying to stop the ache
that hides to deep,
unable to reach,
out of my throbbing mind.
I put on a sweet little smile.
pretending to be okay,
while the tears continue to leak,
only when nobody is around to watch.
I'm embraced by the dark,
always so lonely,
locked up in my own spinning head.
Crying myself to death.
I'm building a wall,
keeping my pain inside,
unable to hide
for my own fears, I scream
not able to bare the pain.
I can't
keep living,
this way
is leading me into despair.
but you don't care ,
so I keep a smile on my face,
not showing you the pain inside,
I would rather die.
Leaving my life behind, isn't an option.
I will fight
away my pained stained memory,
erasing you from my vocabulary.
the tears that I leak,
don't mean that
I'm weak.
I will put a smile on my face.
I will not give up, you should try harder
if you want me to leave this place
because I'm not planning to go away

at least not today...