My Own Teacher
Today I sat in my room and thought about the pain
My pain
I cry myself to sleep some nights just thinking about my pain
The pain I live through every day
It has become almost unexpressable
My friends dont take me seriously, my teachers cannot help
The personal bully I have to face
The personal bully that drives the pain in
And who is this I hear you ask?
My own teacher
Please do not laugh
Ashley you know what I’m talking about
I sit and cannot scream or shout
My eyes, sore from always crying
My heart has been broken many times
It is now a jigsaw puzzle with a few pieces missing
From loves that have existed and slowly died
From healing parts, shattered before my eyes
This pain I live with every day
"Save me God" I pray
It may sound ridiculous; I have had enough!
People calling me stupid and crap and stuff
She bullies me
She bullies me
I have to keep back the tears, for one smile holds back a thousand tears
Every Friday I stand with a brave face
My heart is racing every time I look in her eyes
All I see are those pound signs
The fear she has put into me, she has no idea
My confidence level in my toes
In my life, I have always been bullied
First off, kids, that was really bad
Now, a new school, a fresh start, but the same feeling;
I am worthless
The sadness has been driven into me for the thousandth time
But this time from someone whom I didn't expect
My own teacher
She implants fear into the heart of me
She realises it? I dont think so
To Su-Man it is always "well done sweety"
To Ellie "you are totally dedicated"
To me "fuck off and get some fucking talent!"
My eyes well up and fear strikes me, my heart is in my mouth, I start weeping
My strength, it is drained out of me
My courage runs off leaving little old me
My brain is struggling with how to cope
One side says "suck it up and act strong"
The other says "just cry and give up, no one will care anyway"
I take an emotional beating and use it as a charade
My friends dont understand, they thinks its all a game
This beating has been given at least three times a week
A year I have suffered this burden and fear
And from who?
My own teacher
I get to form and sit down in a daze
My name is called, I mutter a phrase
My heart is in pieces and my face isn’t saying a word
I slowly get up to walk out the room
Eleanor cracks a joke and Jess is a goon
All the time I am thinking "just dont let it show"
My brain is the one winning whilst I go with the flow
Climbing the stairs to get to my next lesson
I know that her voice is going to leave an impression
Clutching onto my books to cover me up
All I want to do is cower in the corner
Walking down the hall where I see the potential jeers
I know some more shit is coming my way
"Fuck off and get some fucking talent!" echoes in my ears
"Oh my god you are shit" I constantly hear
Those eyes, the pain
The voice, the strain
The feeling of this I have felt for years
But this time, is the biggest, in terms fear
My fear
My pain
My own teacher
Bianca is edging closer to me
"Shut up" I know I am bound to hear
I walk in with my head down and fiddling with my bracelets
My teacher, oblivious to the pain surrounding me
The teacher, I used to think was nice
Turned out to be a godzilla in disguise
That was NOT funny
The screaming and threatening is floating through my head
I have always grabbed the wrong end of the stick
Part 3 for two years, never to be upgraded
Senior band came my way, Su-Man and Ellie: through with all cheers
Then it came to me, that bright and sunny day
I walked into her room
Already knowing what my fate was: a grey and cloudy day
I got out my clarinet, shaking and quivering
Stood up with confidence and played aloud
I thought I was doing pretty well, until goody-too-shoes Su-Man stepped in
Her clarinet in hand, me for support
She played, worse than me of course
My teachers face lit up, the piece in her jigsaw was found
I put on a brave face, gave Su-Man a hug, and walked away with haste
My eyes were sad, my brain hurting also
But my heart
Ah yes, my heart
A scalpel came in and snatched a piece off
95% of it, I do think has gone
Of course tears came that night, but for the meantime only compliments were due
"Well done Su-Man, congrats girl!"
But my heart was screaming for my point of view to be heard
I stifled it and repressed the urge to feel sad
After all, Su-Man had done bad!
In choir, more shit news was heard
A solo, with a swing rhythm was chucked in to test me
My own teacher
She gave me this, at first it was cool, I was in the lime-light
Now the heartache and an unfair disadvantage
Once again my hopes have been transformed to fear and now the only thing I have is my passion
My fear, my pain, my suffering
My Own Teacher
My pain
I cry myself to sleep some nights just thinking about my pain
The pain I live through every day
It has become almost unexpressable
My friends dont take me seriously, my teachers cannot help
The personal bully I have to face
The personal bully that drives the pain in
And who is this I hear you ask?
My own teacher
Please do not laugh
Ashley you know what I’m talking about
I sit and cannot scream or shout
My eyes, sore from always crying
My heart has been broken many times
It is now a jigsaw puzzle with a few pieces missing
From loves that have existed and slowly died
From healing parts, shattered before my eyes
This pain I live with every day
"Save me God" I pray
It may sound ridiculous; I have had enough!
People calling me stupid and crap and stuff
She bullies me
She bullies me
I have to keep back the tears, for one smile holds back a thousand tears
Every Friday I stand with a brave face
My heart is racing every time I look in her eyes
All I see are those pound signs
The fear she has put into me, she has no idea
My confidence level in my toes
In my life, I have always been bullied
First off, kids, that was really bad
Now, a new school, a fresh start, but the same feeling;
I am worthless
The sadness has been driven into me for the thousandth time
But this time from someone whom I didn't expect
My own teacher
She implants fear into the heart of me
She realises it? I dont think so
To Su-Man it is always "well done sweety"
To Ellie "you are totally dedicated"
To me "fuck off and get some fucking talent!"
My eyes well up and fear strikes me, my heart is in my mouth, I start weeping
My strength, it is drained out of me
My courage runs off leaving little old me
My brain is struggling with how to cope
One side says "suck it up and act strong"
The other says "just cry and give up, no one will care anyway"
I take an emotional beating and use it as a charade
My friends dont understand, they thinks its all a game
This beating has been given at least three times a week
A year I have suffered this burden and fear
And from who?
My own teacher
I get to form and sit down in a daze
My name is called, I mutter a phrase
My heart is in pieces and my face isn’t saying a word
I slowly get up to walk out the room
Eleanor cracks a joke and Jess is a goon
All the time I am thinking "just dont let it show"
My brain is the one winning whilst I go with the flow
Climbing the stairs to get to my next lesson
I know that her voice is going to leave an impression
Clutching onto my books to cover me up
All I want to do is cower in the corner
Walking down the hall where I see the potential jeers
I know some more shit is coming my way
"Fuck off and get some fucking talent!" echoes in my ears
"Oh my god you are shit" I constantly hear
Those eyes, the pain
The voice, the strain
The feeling of this I have felt for years
But this time, is the biggest, in terms fear
My fear
My pain
My own teacher
Bianca is edging closer to me
"Shut up" I know I am bound to hear
I walk in with my head down and fiddling with my bracelets
My teacher, oblivious to the pain surrounding me
The teacher, I used to think was nice
Turned out to be a godzilla in disguise
That was NOT funny
The screaming and threatening is floating through my head
I have always grabbed the wrong end of the stick
Part 3 for two years, never to be upgraded
Senior band came my way, Su-Man and Ellie: through with all cheers
Then it came to me, that bright and sunny day
I walked into her room
Already knowing what my fate was: a grey and cloudy day
I got out my clarinet, shaking and quivering
Stood up with confidence and played aloud
I thought I was doing pretty well, until goody-too-shoes Su-Man stepped in
Her clarinet in hand, me for support
She played, worse than me of course
My teachers face lit up, the piece in her jigsaw was found
I put on a brave face, gave Su-Man a hug, and walked away with haste
My eyes were sad, my brain hurting also
But my heart
Ah yes, my heart
A scalpel came in and snatched a piece off
95% of it, I do think has gone
Of course tears came that night, but for the meantime only compliments were due
"Well done Su-Man, congrats girl!"
But my heart was screaming for my point of view to be heard
I stifled it and repressed the urge to feel sad
After all, Su-Man had done bad!
In choir, more shit news was heard
A solo, with a swing rhythm was chucked in to test me
My own teacher
She gave me this, at first it was cool, I was in the lime-light
Now the heartache and an unfair disadvantage
Once again my hopes have been transformed to fear and now the only thing I have is my passion
My fear, my pain, my suffering
My Own Teacher