For Sleep

Fluttering heartbeat
Crawling up my throat
And tight grip
Around my heart
As I race the night
For sleep

Repetitive ticks
Sound the sands
Trickling through my fingers
As they clutch a memory
Desperately
Of the way I was
But never again

Night silence
Creaking footsteps
Pondering
Hum of refrigerator
Perhaps not then
Or the cupboards?
Painkillers
For the pain they cannot fix
Then a slug or two
Of dutch courage
To make me unafraid

It never works
But It helps

Quiet as necessary
They sleep unlike me
Bathroom
Bright light on sickly skin
Shadows already tired eyes
Sad eyes
Mine?

Slip down wall
Indulge in foolishness
Wonder why for the thousandth time
The empty place shrinks for a little longer
Back to bed
Eyes wide
Wishing for dreams
Racing the night
For sleep

And peace of mind