Be killed, and kill in return.
I hate you.
Except I don't hate you.
I can't hate you, and because of that I want to hate you more, impossible, though it is. I hate the way you make me feel--- the way you've always been able to make me feel. I hate how you let me build you up into this great big, breath taking image, one that won't shatter, even now.
Ups and downs. Heart ache and happiness. You're a mastermind with words, weapons held easily in your mouth, the way a skilled fighter grips their knives. Throw it at me one more time. Just once more. Sweetness on my tongue, I can still taste it. You've ruined me. You've ruined me.
I can't think of anything. You've gone away from my thoughts, only to sink into them deeper, more subtle, more there than not. Always there, though. Always present.
You influence my next decisions; you loom over me while I ask for my space away from others. You're there when I walk away from the things I blame for the poison in my veins.
You don't care.
My mind has become a bee hive after disruption, furious and chaotic. Nothing makes sense, nothing comes together.
Peace, peace. I say. No, no. My mind whispers back, rebellious. I want to complicate matters further, thank you.
I've lost her. I've lost you. I'll lose him. And him. And them, and everyone. And for the moment, I blame you.
I blame you for my heart ache. I blame you for my pain; not only my pain, but theirs. How you inflict such great sorrow upon so many, oblivious as you do so, it's beyond me.
Just stay there, go back to the way you were before.
I pretended not to care.
I care.
And in turn, I lash out and hurt those I love dearly. I've broken her. I will break him. I've almost broken him. You've broken me. But I strive to stay alive. It's in my nature. Be killed and kill in return.
The greatest part is--- I hate you. But it's utterly and completely impossible for me to hate you. Instead I have to sit here, wishing, wasting just one more wish on you, wasting it in the name of hate. I wish I could hate you. I wish, once more, with your name on my lips.
Except I don't hate you.
I can't hate you, and because of that I want to hate you more, impossible, though it is. I hate the way you make me feel--- the way you've always been able to make me feel. I hate how you let me build you up into this great big, breath taking image, one that won't shatter, even now.
Ups and downs. Heart ache and happiness. You're a mastermind with words, weapons held easily in your mouth, the way a skilled fighter grips their knives. Throw it at me one more time. Just once more. Sweetness on my tongue, I can still taste it. You've ruined me. You've ruined me.
I can't think of anything. You've gone away from my thoughts, only to sink into them deeper, more subtle, more there than not. Always there, though. Always present.
You influence my next decisions; you loom over me while I ask for my space away from others. You're there when I walk away from the things I blame for the poison in my veins.
You don't care.
My mind has become a bee hive after disruption, furious and chaotic. Nothing makes sense, nothing comes together.
Peace, peace. I say. No, no. My mind whispers back, rebellious. I want to complicate matters further, thank you.
I've lost her. I've lost you. I'll lose him. And him. And them, and everyone. And for the moment, I blame you.
I blame you for my heart ache. I blame you for my pain; not only my pain, but theirs. How you inflict such great sorrow upon so many, oblivious as you do so, it's beyond me.
Just stay there, go back to the way you were before.
I pretended not to care.
I care.
And in turn, I lash out and hurt those I love dearly. I've broken her. I will break him. I've almost broken him. You've broken me. But I strive to stay alive. It's in my nature. Be killed and kill in return.
The greatest part is--- I hate you. But it's utterly and completely impossible for me to hate you. Instead I have to sit here, wishing, wasting just one more wish on you, wasting it in the name of hate. I wish I could hate you. I wish, once more, with your name on my lips.